When Little Things are Not Little Things

Do you ever wonder why you are having these huge blow ups in your relationship about seemly little things? Recently at training I learned that we should ALL think about our relationships in 3 parts. 1/3 of the time we are feeling connected, 1/3 of the time there is a break in that connection (fears, triggers come up that cause conflict and distancing), and 1/3 of the time we are repairing that connection. Unfortunately most couples do not know how to effectively repair without getting themselves back into more conflict or feeling stuck. They end up dealing with conflicts by sweeping them under the rug.

The problem with this solution is that the real adult attachment fears and needs never get brought out in the open and shared (fears such as: not feeling important or a priority, not feeling cared about, valued, accepted, special, wanted, or like you can really rely on or count on your partner). What happens when these fears and needs are never shared?

These seemly little things like being late, forgetting to say hello or good bye, seeing your partner on their phone or face book, being busy, has BIGGER meaning and creates BIG reactions to little things. If you’re already feeling afraid that you’re not cared about, special, or important, these little things just seem to really confirm your fears. Most people have two ways of dealing with these fears they either blow up in anger or shutting down which just causes more conflicts.

If this sounds like your relationship I suggest that you give us a call to sign up for our upcoming Couples Intensive Weekend in Kelowna BC on July 6th, 7th, and 8th so you can learn how to open up and talk about these adult attachment fears (we all have them) and get the reassurance you need to “let little things be little things.”

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