Are you feeling alone in your relationship? Do you seem to be the one that carries the biggest load of the responsibility? Do you ever feel like you can’t rely on or count on your partner?
If so you are not alone, many of the couples that we work with have the same complaints. They feel like they have become the “manger” of the household chores and the relationship. Many times one partner (may be female or male) will say “I have to do EVERYTHING!’ This is not a fun role for anyone to be in as we all want to feel like we are equals with our partners and that they care enough to take care of us too.
What most couples don’t understand or see if that usually there is a pattern of conflict that is happening underneath all of this. 80% of couples end up stuck in a pattern where one partner is pursuing with criticism, questioning and blame and the other partner is shutting down and withdrawing. As the withdrawer moves away and distances from the pursuer the pursuer feels more and more alone in the relationship and unwanted. Sometimes the more withdrawn partner starts to internalize the criticism and start to doubt themselves believing that they are not good enough or failing. This impacts them to move away from the pursuer and try and protect themselves, and they may also give up on trying to do things for the relationship or around the house because they are tired of getting it wrong. Thus, the pursuing partner ends up feeling alone, abandoned with the responsibility of the relationship and the household chores and ends up criticizing and demanding more to try and get their needs met.
Fortunately there is a solution! The pursue-withdraw pattern is the most common pattern and also the easiest one to change. We can help you find the way back into having a happy healthy secure connection and to break out of this pattern that causes so much distance and hurt. We are offering an upcoming Eight Week Group for Couples based on the book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson. Or if you prefer more confidentiality we also specialize in couples counselling. For more information about the group or counselling visit our website at http://www.apathofheart.com/groups_and_workshops.php